Comments on: How do you fill the empty spaces? http://www.threebyhand.com/2007/09/13/how-do-you-fill-the-empty-spaces/ hand-dyed, hand-spun, hand-knit Sat, 21 Nov 2009 01:22:13 -0800 hourly 1 By: Grit Knitter http://www.threebyhand.com/2007/09/13/how-do-you-fill-the-empty-spaces/comment-page-1/#comment-314 Grit Knitter Fri, 28 Sep 2007 21:26:00 +0000 http://www.threebyhand.com/2007/09/13/how-do-you-fill-the-empty-spaces/#comment-314 Well, from my experience (and I have lots), I spent my 20's wanting relationship, marriage and babies. I spent my 30's going, "I am alone. COOL!" The whole thing is about learning to love yourself and accepting the Alone Principle of life. You are born alone. You die alone. You have many, many, many times in your life where you HAVE to be alone. Society has convinced us that being alone is not acceptable and has taught us that it's wrong. It is not. If you're not looking, you're not looking. You're having a relationship with Yourself. This does not create a "void". When you "like" being alone, you have created a relationship with yourself. It is at that moment that the right relationship comes along and you learn that you don't "need" this person, you "want" this person and that you still need time "with" yourself. I was there when I was 32-34, and it was then that I met my husband. Both of us love each other in the truest sense of the word because we still need time alone with ourselves. Too much togetherness can hurt the relationship you've created with yourself. Well, from my experience (and I have lots), I spent my 20’s wanting relationship, marriage and babies. I spent my 30’s going, “I am alone. COOL!” The whole thing is about learning to love yourself and accepting the Alone Principle of life. You are born alone. You die alone. You have many, many, many times in your life where you HAVE to be alone. Society has convinced us that being alone is not acceptable and has taught us that it’s wrong. It is not. If you’re not looking, you’re not looking. You’re having a relationship with Yourself. This does not create a “void”. When you “like” being alone, you have created a relationship with yourself. It is at that moment that the right relationship comes along and you learn that you don’t “need” this person, you “want” this person and that you still need time “with” yourself. I was there when I was 32-34, and it was then that I met my husband. Both of us love each other in the truest sense of the word because we still need time alone with ourselves. Too much togetherness can hurt the relationship you’ve created with yourself.

]]> By: Laurie http://www.threebyhand.com/2007/09/13/how-do-you-fill-the-empty-spaces/comment-page-1/#comment-312 Laurie Mon, 17 Sep 2007 01:41:00 +0000 http://www.threebyhand.com/2007/09/13/how-do-you-fill-the-empty-spaces/#comment-312 There's nothing wrong with being 1.<br/><br/>But, you do know that when you relax and DON'T go looking for it...it will find you. :-)<br/><br/>Be comfortable with you. Enjoy life! There’s nothing wrong with being 1.

But, you do know that when you relax and DON’T go looking for it…it will find you. :-)

Be comfortable with you. Enjoy life!

]]> By: Leanne http://www.threebyhand.com/2007/09/13/how-do-you-fill-the-empty-spaces/comment-page-1/#comment-311 Leanne Fri, 14 Sep 2007 17:18:00 +0000 http://www.threebyhand.com/2007/09/13/how-do-you-fill-the-empty-spaces/#comment-311 I don't have any words of wisdom, but I will give you a big old hug! I don’t have any words of wisdom, but I will give you a big old hug!

]]> By: Carmen http://www.threebyhand.com/2007/09/13/how-do-you-fill-the-empty-spaces/comment-page-1/#comment-310 Carmen Fri, 14 Sep 2007 13:00:00 +0000 http://www.threebyhand.com/2007/09/13/how-do-you-fill-the-empty-spaces/#comment-310 Perhaps you have come to the realization that you need time to get to know yourself. A relationship is not compromising to another person, although it is sharing, and doing some give and take. Lisa, maybe the time has come to be passionate about yourself..... Perhaps you have come to the realization that you need time to get to know yourself. A relationship is not compromising to another person, although it is sharing, and doing some give and take. Lisa, maybe the time has come to be passionate about yourself…..

]]> By: Jeanne http://www.threebyhand.com/2007/09/13/how-do-you-fill-the-empty-spaces/comment-page-1/#comment-309 Jeanne Fri, 14 Sep 2007 10:36:00 +0000 http://www.threebyhand.com/2007/09/13/how-do-you-fill-the-empty-spaces/#comment-309 Maybe you start filling the space with figuring out who you really are - I think sometimes we get caught up in who we think we should be, or who everyone else thinks we should be and lose touch with who we really truly are. And maybe if you figure out that, your next relationship will be different because you will be confident in who you are and what you want. Maybe you start filling the space with figuring out who you really are – I think sometimes we get caught up in who we think we should be, or who everyone else thinks we should be and lose touch with who we really truly are. And maybe if you figure out that, your next relationship will be different because you will be confident in who you are and what you want.

]]> By: T http://www.threebyhand.com/2007/09/13/how-do-you-fill-the-empty-spaces/comment-page-1/#comment-308 T Thu, 13 Sep 2007 22:13:00 +0000 http://www.threebyhand.com/2007/09/13/how-do-you-fill-the-empty-spaces/#comment-308 I can be such a n00b, can't I? Maybe coffee in the country, or the South End ;)<br/><br/>Hopefully Shmoo works on the same weekend you're kid free. I can be such a n00b, can’t I? Maybe coffee in the country, or the South End ;)

Hopefully Shmoo works on the same weekend you’re kid free.

]]> By: Lisa http://www.threebyhand.com/2007/09/13/how-do-you-fill-the-empty-spaces/comment-page-1/#comment-307 Lisa Thu, 13 Sep 2007 19:47:00 +0000 http://www.threebyhand.com/2007/09/13/how-do-you-fill-the-empty-spaces/#comment-307 t - yes to coffee!<br/><br/>fff - As the queen of the armchair therapists I can hardly ask anyone to hold back on this one - but in response to your post...Hmmm...I am happy single! But the issue is that I don't know how to NOT be looking. Its so hard to explain!<br/><br/>I am so used to being in Relationship Goal mode that I don't know what to be when I'm NOT in it. Does that make sense? So its not the lack of relationship that is a void, but rather that I am no longer consumed with finding it anymore, but this leaves me at loose ends...what am I doing now instead?<br/><br/>As for expecting desire and passion...well I was married right? So I'm pretty realistic about that stuff :-) And maybe having lost hope in that regard also makes having a partner way less appealing. t – yes to coffee!

fff – As the queen of the armchair therapists I can hardly ask anyone to hold back on this one – but in response to your post…Hmmm…I am happy single! But the issue is that I don’t know how to NOT be looking. Its so hard to explain!

I am so used to being in Relationship Goal mode that I don’t know what to be when I’m NOT in it. Does that make sense? So its not the lack of relationship that is a void, but rather that I am no longer consumed with finding it anymore, but this leaves me at loose ends…what am I doing now instead?

As for expecting desire and passion…well I was married right? So I’m pretty realistic about that stuff :-) And maybe having lost hope in that regard also makes having a partner way less appealing.

]]> By: Five Ferns Fibreholic http://www.threebyhand.com/2007/09/13/how-do-you-fill-the-empty-spaces/comment-page-1/#comment-306 Five Ferns Fibreholic Thu, 13 Sep 2007 17:57:00 +0000 http://www.threebyhand.com/2007/09/13/how-do-you-fill-the-empty-spaces/#comment-306 Problem with pouring your heart out on your blog, you open yourself up to scrutiny by all kinds of armchair therapists.<br/><br/>Since I don't know you, I really don't have the full picture of the situation, thus I can't offer personal advice. You wrote that for 2 years you haven't been looking and "like it" but the lack of a relationship goal has created a void. Either you are happy with yourself as a single or you are not.<br/><br/>Without stepping to far over the line, I will ask this. Do you have to go into a relationship expecting desire and passion? That puts a lot of pressure on the situation for both of you, and could end something before it starts.<br/><br/>Just my two cents. Problem with pouring your heart out on your blog, you open yourself up to scrutiny by all kinds of armchair therapists.

Since I don’t know you, I really don’t have the full picture of the situation, thus I can’t offer personal advice. You wrote that for 2 years you haven’t been looking and “like it” but the lack of a relationship goal has created a void. Either you are happy with yourself as a single or you are not.

Without stepping to far over the line, I will ask this. Do you have to go into a relationship expecting desire and passion? That puts a lot of pressure on the situation for both of you, and could end something before it starts.

Just my two cents.

]]> By: T http://www.threebyhand.com/2007/09/13/how-do-you-fill-the-empty-spaces/comment-page-1/#comment-305 T Thu, 13 Sep 2007 16:28:00 +0000 http://www.threebyhand.com/2007/09/13/how-do-you-fill-the-empty-spaces/#comment-305 Hey, you. It's perfectly normal to not want to be in a relationship. You know how sometimes you want ketchup on your fries and sometimes you don't? That's just how It Is sometimes. <br/><br/>Have you been horribly miserable the last year? <br/><br/>Obessing about a relationship sounds as healthy as obessing about why you <i>don't</i> have (or want) one, to me. <br/><br/>Bleh on "envisioning" the future if it means stress and self doubt. Looking back at the time when I was alone after my divorce I realize that was when I got to know me better. And I liked it, too. <br/><br/>Your list of reasons for not actively searching for a relationship makes it sound, to me, that you need more Lisa Time. Think of yourself as a Yum E. Cupcake; you're not quite done yet :)<br/><br/>Coffee? Hey, you. It’s perfectly normal to not want to be in a relationship. You know how sometimes you want ketchup on your fries and sometimes you don’t? That’s just how It Is sometimes.

Have you been horribly miserable the last year?

Obessing about a relationship sounds as healthy as obessing about why you don’t have (or want) one, to me.

Bleh on “envisioning” the future if it means stress and self doubt. Looking back at the time when I was alone after my divorce I realize that was when I got to know me better. And I liked it, too.

Your list of reasons for not actively searching for a relationship makes it sound, to me, that you need more Lisa Time. Think of yourself as a Yum E. Cupcake; you’re not quite done yet :)

Coffee?

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