Yesterday I was reading Renée’s blog about how she went to see the Yarn Harlot and I think that probably sparked this dream:

I am with someone (male I think) on a packed Greyhound bus and we are sitting at a table because this Greyhound bus? It’s also a full service gourmet restaurant. (Shut up, its my subconscious). And we’re sipping wine and laughing and I look over and Stephanie and her husband are right there eating at the table next to us. Needless to say, quarters are tight (it is still a bus after all) and we start joking about things and next thing I know I’m whipping a sock out of my purse (oddly it is the blue one I was knitting when she came to Ottawa – the one I frogged for the 15th millionth time and haven’t had the nerve to cast on again) and she looks all impressed. And then I realize there are 5 or 6 Ottawa knitting meetup folks on the bus too and Lissa is in this incredible gothic looking wedding dress. The bus drops Lissa off in a parking lot and we all applaud as she gets off the bus (alone) and heads off towards a strip mall.

And then the alarm went off…thank god.

I FOUND PERSONA GIRL! She has possessed the editor in chief of HOME magazine, as I quote verbatim from the editor’s letter to her adoring public in the December 2006 edition:

Yule Rules
For a fulfilling — and low-stress– holiday season, I’ve learned to keep things simple. I serve rich foods sparingly — come January, I’d rather be thinking about global gain (volunteering and donating) than personal loss (weight). I only invite guests I care deeply about, and never more than 10 of them at a time — large gatherings can leave me physically overtired and spiritually undernourished.

To spark a festive atmoshere at home, I just add a few rousing touches of color — mostly reds and golds in sync with my overall decore. And I fill my rooms with exhilarating live music by having folks over who, like me, love to sing and play instruments. As gifts (to bestow or receive), I favor items yielding memorable experiences, not objects, which foster clutter. The only exceptions are works of art created by friends and family. My rule: Whenever I’m given something I relish enough to hang on to, I give away something I already own.

In this issue, we offer lots of ways to make your festivities more focused and rewarding. Please pay special attention to our article about the 2006 Shelter Award winners: extraordinary people with causes worthy of your support.” Donna Sapolin, Editor-in-Chief.

1) PUKE.
2) I’m never buying this magazine again. Ever. Or being nice to anyone named Donna.
3) Do you think she would consider the mustache and wart I’ve drawn on her picture as A Work Of Art Worthy Of Throwing Out Something She Already Owns?
4) Where do I sign up to be the fly on the wall that gets to watch the agony of the three boring friends who couldn’t make up a good enough excuse to NOT come to the singing-praise-to-Donna party
5) I thought only royalty and deities “bestowed” things any more. I’m surprised she didn’t write it in the “We” (is that 3rd person possessive? I forget, too dazzled by her gold & red aura).

I would like to add that I hope this woman isn’t a knitter because you just know she’d only knit using silk-cashmere blend – the most spiritually nourishing of all the available wools (ymmv).

Note: If you are named Donna and you happen to knit, I am sure that wanna-baa would be happy to make an exception for you provided you can keep the bestowing to a minimum.

I promise that she speaks exactly the way she writes and I love that her voice comes through so loud and clear. She has excellent comedic timing and if there were a lot more knitters at comedy clubs I’m sure she could take the act out of the LYS and into Yuk Yuks. Somehow I don’t think any other group will laugh so hard about “ribbed for his pleasure” – just saying.

I was, however, disgustingly starstruck.

Remember Persona Girl? Here is how PG would meet the Harlot…

PG would be wearing the most beautiful handknit something EVER. After waiting in line, PG would meet Stephanie for her autograph, say something divinely and devilishly funny and Stephanie would laugh. PG would mention how Stephanie inspired her to start her own blog and how it has been a great experience and opened her up to the world at large. There would be instant rapport (as there always is with PG).

Alternatively, there’s me:

I stammer hello. Whisper my name. Tentatively reach out a finger to touch the pretty sock on the table. Stephanie kindly says she likes my scarf which was very gracious of her since it looked like a wrinkled mass of Noro Silk Garden crap that’s never been washed but I figured I should bring something handknit for the occasion. I mumble a thank you…mention I’ve been to Romni and Lettuce Knits and how both proved to be rather tempting. I giggle at the wrong moment and say I’ll be back in T.O. in the spring. I stumble away.

Now this is all rather odd. I grew up with a writer, so I really do know the creature rather intimately. Writers are generally a rather introverted lot who seem less so in public because they tend to be able to cover the shyness with all that ability to articulate. And here is a woman who openly admitted to being unable to approach another knitter on a train…

So Stephanie, if you ever read this, just know that it could have been so much worse – at least I didn’t throw up all over you. And if I had my druthers, I’d buy you a beer and tell you how I think you don’t just speak for Every Knitter, but Every Woman. That knitting IS a sport, but that like parenting it does not ever let us forget how fallible we are and how persistence can sometimes wins out. I’d blame you completely for my new obsession with spinning. I’d tell you that I was a doula too for a while – not patient enough to be a good one – but that my desire to continue to be involved in educating parents-to-be has never gone away and I’m more passionate about that then I am about fibre.

By the way…apparently the Bruins sucked so I definitely chose the right place to be.